Ten Things You'll Never Hear Coming From
by Temari 88
Summary: Sorry you guys, but this story has been put on DISCONTINUED due to some problems, BUT if you want to read more of this look for 'Things Happening To...', which is the new version! :D
1. Naruto

_This will hopefully be funny! :D_

_Disclamer: Naruto and it's characters are not my property..._

_Read&Review!_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

**_NARUTO_**

**_1)_** "Ramen? Nah, thanks but I prefer some HEALTHY vegetables!"

**_2)_** "Becoming Hokage…?? Absolutely not! My greatest dream is to become an engineer!"

**_3)_** "Hinata is always talking! She never shuts up!"

**_4)_** "Sasuke and I have never been enemies, are you kidding?!"

**_5)_** "I passed the academy exam after 3 days of school!"

**_6)_** "Orange?! I would NEVER EVER in my life wear something orange: it's the most offensive color existing!"

**_7)_** "I always disliked Sakura…"

**_8)_** "I defeated Gaara without getting a scratch."

**_9)_** "Jiraya has never spied on women at bath houses."

**_10)_** "Kakashi is the first to arrive at an appointment."


	2. Sasuke

_Here goes the second chapter! XD_

_Read&Review!_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

**_SASUKE_**

**_1)_** "I fell for Sakura the first time I saw her."

**_2)_** "I will never be strong enough!"

_**3)**_ "Power does not interest me, I'm for peace!"

**_4)_** "I have no intention of killing my brother: I love him so…!"

**_5)_** "I'm a happy-go-lucky person."

**_6)_** "I love orange!"

**_7)_** "I want to become Hokage!"

**_8)_** "My hair style really sucks, it'd be best to change it: I look like an idiot."

**_9)_** "I love my village too much to ever think of betraying all my friends to go after a supposed paedophile to get stronger thanks to weird pills!"

**_10)_** "I'd die before I'd hurt my best friend Naruto!"


	3. Sakura

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

**_SAKURA_**

**_1)_** "Sasuke? Oh, don't talk to me about him: I absolutely hate him!"

**_2)_** "I actually have to die my hair every two weeks to prevent people noticing it's not natural…"

**_3)_** "I so wished I was in Sasuke's place when he and Naruto accidentally kissed!"

**_4)_** "Ino and I have NEVER EVER fought, we're _bestest_ friends!"

**_5)_** "I really like Lee's hairstyle: I'm thinking of cutting my hair that way…!"

_**6)**_ "Man, how I hate being the dead last in class, I've had to repeat the final exam three times!"

**_7)_** "Dattebayo! Dattebayo!!"

**_8)_** "When Kakashi-sensei buried Sasuke-kun neck-deep into the ground I was so overjoyed I actually fainted!"

**_9)_** "Tsunade-sama, a terrifying sensei? Oh, no! She's very kind: if you don't feel like training she doesn't insist at all…!"

**_10)_** "Once I saw Kakashi-sensei shouting 'Immoral! That's immoral!' at someone who had been reading Icha Icha Paradise…"


	4. Gaara

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

**_GAARA_**

**_1)_** "My childhood was the best in the world!"

**_2)_** "Uchiha and me are very close friends, you know…"

**_3)_** "I get laid more than Kakashi and Jiraya put together."

**_4)_** "Shukaku wasn't bad, he just needed to be loved…"

**_5)_** "I've never believed it when Shukaku said he was my mother; I did _not_ kill all that people 'cause I believed it!"

**_6)_** "I hate sand. It gets everywhere. Like hell I'll ever use a SAND armour."

**_7)_** "… You're hurting my feelings…"

**_8)_** "My father was the kindest of all, I miss him so much…"

**_9)_** "I'm a great fan of Sailor Moon! I have a special room devoted to items form the anime!!" _[inspiration came from endama's fanfic 'My boyfriend, the Otaku' :D]_

**_10)_** "OMG! I just love RAINBOWS and PUPPY-DOGS and GLITTER and, most of all, the color PINK!!!" _[kindly suggested by Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare: thanks XD]_


	5. Hinata

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**HINATA**_

_**1)**_ "Sometimes I just feel like punching that Uzumaki kid in the face!" _[kindly suggested by cassicloud]_

_**2)**_ "Shutup! Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup!" _[kindly suggested by cassicloud]_

_**3)**_ "My type of guy is the mysterious and cool type, not the loud mouth!"

_**4)**_ "This Byakugan is _perfect_ to spy the male's bath house; Jiraya-sama's quite envious (of the tecnique)."

_**5)**_ "I hate people who stutter! They're so annoying…"

_**6)**_ "I have an allergy to dogs: if I go two feet near them I get covered in red dots…"

_**7)**_ "I actually work as a stripper."

_**8)**_ "Neji's always been such a cry baby."

_**9)**_ "I think Itachi-san did a wise thing in slaughtering all the Uchiha clan: they were so full of themselves – unfortunately he forgot one."

_**10)**_ "All the guys my age are such pansies… that's why I chase after older ones, like Kakashi-sensei."


	6. Shikamaru

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**SHIKAMARU**_

_**1)**_ "Let's go! Let's go!! I can't wait to do this mission!!!"

_**2)**_ "Chompchompchompchomp"

_**3)**_ "You know, Temari, I like you."

_**4)**_ "Riddles…? Nah, I'm too stupid to solve any riddle…"

_**5)**_ "My mum is the loveliest mum you'll EVER find! She let's me sleep in every time I want!"

_**6)**_ "OMG Ino, your hair is wonderful! What kind of shampoo do you use…??"

_**7)**_ "Sometimes I wonder why I style my hair like this… it sucks!"

_**8)**_ "I – uh – I-I… the first time I used my Shadow technique… I… hit myself by mistake…"

_**9)**_ "That one time when Jiraya-sama got found spying at the bath houses, you remember? Well, he got found because I trapped him there with my technique before shouting a warning."

_**10)**_ "Do you want to know what my favourite game is? No, not shogi – too complicated for me – it's Uno cards!!"


	7. Asuma

_Here for you the seventh chapter!!_

_I'd like to thank all the reviewers and remember that suggestions are more than welcome! XD_

_The more, the merrier, the funnier!! LOL_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**ASUMA**_

_**1)**_ "Fuck, I burned myself with the cigarette!!"

_**2)**_ "… Sorry, guys that I'm late, but you see… I saw this old lady and I just HAD to help her…!" _[to his team]_

_**3)**_ "Yo! How ya doin' old man??" _[talking to his father, the Sandaime]_

_**4)**_ "Oh… I got fed up of paying for the enormous amount of meat Choji eats!!!! I'm going to starve until they'll pay me for the missions!"

_**5)**_ "You're frigging hot, Kurenai."

_**6)**_ "Once Ino shrilled so loudly, I got deaf for the following four days…"

_**7)**_ "Waaaahhhh! I beat you, Shikamaru! I've finally won at shogi…! Wow!!"

_**8)**_ "When I gave Naruto that tip on wind-chakra control, he launched the chakra charged blade at Shikamaru's butt… quite the picture…"

_**9)**_ "Ah! I'd like to see Kakashi's face when he notices his Icha Icha books have disappeared!"

_**10)**_ "Gyyyyyaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!" _[VERY high pitched voice, scared shitless]_


	8. Gai

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**GAI**_

_**1)**_ "You know, I think I'm getting old…" _[kindly suggested by NARDwall: thanks :D]_

_**2)**_ "Wahhh!! No one understands me…!! Why do they call me emo???"

_**3)**_ "Today I saw a guy completely dressed in green and I had to restrain myself from punching the daylights out of him: I HATE that color!"

_**4)**_ "… Mmmm… lemme sleep… five more minutes…"

_**5)**_ "Oi! Slow the – anf anf – heck down – anf -… I can't go on… with this rhythm – anf – I'm about to—" _thump! [fainted]_

_**6)**_ "Lee! Cut that youth-shit out! You're annoying me!!!"

_**7)**_ "Help, please…! Don't stay there staring, damn it!... No, I'm NOT smiling!! How do I have to tell you it is a _paralysis_…!! Help me, Kakashi!!!"

_**8)**_ "Neji, you have no style whatsoever."

_**9)**_ "… I'm ashamed to say I'm not the most powerful taijutsu expert in Konoha… you don't believe me? Try piss off Tsunade-hime during _that_ time of the month…!" _[wide eyed – if that's even possible – and pale]_

_**10)**_ "I actually wear wig."


	9. Kakashi

_I didn't know who to put up first, so I post the 8th and 9th chapters very close together!_

_Plus, this is a self-birthday gift! Go meeee!!! LOL_

_Here for you none other than Kakashi-sensei!!_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**KAKASHI**_

_**1)**_ "You'll NEVER see my face!! Bwahahahaha!!!!"

_**2)**_ "I've never read porn in my entire life. May the Heavens punish me if I'm not tellin—" _crash [thunder has reached the target; mission complete.]_

_**3)**_ "Me…? Perverted?! Oh, Gosh, no… I'm the purest person I know!!" _[kindly suggested by naru-ca-titan: thanks :D]_

_**4)**_ "Hi. My name is Hatake Kakashi and I have a problem: I've glued my mask to my face…"

_**5)**_ "Oh yes! Obito-kun, what a great gift!! Your eye is the present I was _so impatiently_ waiting for…!"

_**6)**_ "Can you give me a hug…?"

_**7)**_ "You wanna know if I can cook? Why, of course!... No, I don't need to learn: the Sharingan is very useful also for cooking!" _[while looking at a culinary programme on the TV]_

_**8)**_ "Sometimes I wonder if Shizune is really a woman…"

_**9)**_ "I was defeated only once: it was when I denied my ninja dog squad their food…"

_**10)**_ "Naruto, I have a question for you I've been dying to ask: does Kyuubi purr…??"


	10. Kiba

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**KIBA**_

_**1)**_ "Ugh! What's this awful smell?!... Oh, it my jacket… maybe it's time to change it…?" _[adapted from Ayase Reincarnated's suggestion: thanks :D]_

_**2)**_ "Dogs…?? I can't stand them: they're covered in fleas and stuff…! Eww!" [_kindly suggested by Lerryn: thanks :D]_

_**3) **_"That Shino kid scares me. Sometimes I wonder if he's really alive; I mean he almost never moves, or talks, or blinks – hell I can't even see his eyes! – and, um, does he breathe?"

_**4)**_ "These triangles I have on my cheeks are not tattoos… they're – uhm – actually they're b-burns… yeah – I don't know how, but I burned myself while trying to iron Akamaru after his bath…" _[under hypnosis]_

_**5)**_ "Grrrr!!! Wof! Wof!" _[argues with Akamaru]_

_**6)**_ "Would you turn the volume up?!?! How the hell am I supposed to hear you, if you whisper so lowly, eh Hinata?!"

_**7)**_ "Man… with this flu I can't smell anything… where's my jacket??"

_**8)**_ "If I hate dogs, why do I have to be part of the _Inu_zuka clan?? I'll establish a new clan! The _Neko_zuka clan!! Hell yeah!!" _[Inu= dog; Neko= cat]_

_**9)**_ "Kyyaaahhh! Akamaru! You can't jump on me like you did before: you're bigger than a bear, dammit, you wanna kill me?!"

_**10)**_ "I've finally understood why Naruto and me never seem able to stay calm around each other: dogs and foxes are too similar so they are bound to fight…"


	11. Neji

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**NEJI**_

_**1)**_ "Oh, my, that green jumpsuit is fabulous!!! I want it!!"

_**2)**_ "I wanted to have my hair in buns, but that bitch Ten-ten beat me to it!!" _[stabbing furiously a Ten-Ten voodoo doll]_

_**3)**_ "Someone told me I look like a postman…" _[pouting and trying to pity people into saying it's not true]_

_**4)**_ "OH MY GODDD!!!" _[hands covering mouth, completely terrified]_

_**5)**_ "Fate is a bunch of crap."

_**6)**_ "C'mon, Lee, let's do piggy back!!"

_**7)**_ "I think I'd look better blond… like Ino… I WANT TO DYE MY HAIR!!"

_**8)**_ "H-h-h-hell-o… my-my na-ame is N-N-Neji Hyu-u-uga… N-n-nice to mee-et you…" _[blushing and twirling his index fingers together]_

_**9)**_ "You, bastard, you'll soon meet your— Waaahh! No!! Stay away from me…! Keep those scissors away from my _fabulous-silky-girlish hair_!!!... Please…"

_**10)**_ "Ugh… this bag is so annoying…! I still don't know why I use it…" _[pushing said bag up his shoulder every few seconds]_


	12. Shino

_Hi folks! :D_

_Sorry for the delay! I couldn't very well decide who to do for this chapter, in the end I went for Shino so here he is for you!! XD_

_Read&Review!_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**SHINO**_

_**1)**_ "… Bugs…?? AAAHH!!! I _HATE_ bugs! Quick get them away from me!!!!!" _[screams and runs around scratching all over his body] [Kindly suggested by Usa-san: thanks :D]_

_**2)**_ "Hahahaha!!! You're SO funny!!!"

_**3)**_ "I don't feel bad at all if people don't recognize me… at all!!"

_**4)**_ "Hi!How'reyoudoing?I'mveryhappytoseeyou!Ireallymissedyoualot,weshouldhangoutsometimes!!"

_**5)**_ "…" _[shiny, blinding, burning SMILE-O'-DOOM!!]_

_**6)**_ "Kurenai-sensei, can I use some of that paper…? I've gotta go to the bathroom…" _[pointing at Kurenai's ninja outfit]_

_**7)**_ "Phfff!!! No…!! Hahaha!! Stop it!! Phfffttt…! — GIVE IT A REST!!!… Stupid insects… sticking in the _worst_ places possible…!" _[imagine for yourselves… just think of Gaara and the sand…]_

_**8)**_ "I like guys… or girls…? Or both?? Or am I asexual…?"

_**9)**_ "Fuck, I can't see a thing!!… Oh, yeah, I have my sunglasses on…"

_**10)**_ "Mmm… orange jacket, yellow hair, blue eyes, screaming his lungs out, hopping around… no, I _really_ have _no_ idea who that might be…" _[feigning to not recognize that specific person]_

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_For the next chappy, should I go for another 'rookie' or for a sensei?? Tell me what you prefer!_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88 :D_


	13. Kurenai

_Hi there! :D_

_Sensei beat rookie, so here is Kurenai (sorry for the number of pregnancy-realted sentences, but I don't really know much about her... just like I don't know well Shino, or Kiba, or a number of others ^^)_

_Read&Review!_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88 XD_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**KURENAI**_

_**1)**_ "Oh Gosh!! Kakashi gimme that!! I haven't read it yet…!!! Jiraya-sama is a genius!" _[grabbing a hold of the latest Icha Icha book, pushing Kakashi away and reading greedily] [adapted from Deathdingle's suggestion: thanks :D]_

_**2)**_ "What do they know…?! It's not that I like this stupid outfit: I don't have enough money to buy something better!!" _[pissed off after yet another comment]_

_**3)**_ "I found out I was good with genjutsu because I remained stuck in my own illusion for three days… I had to wait for someone to get out of it…"

_**4)**_ "Aaawww!! Anko…! That voodoo doll is _so cuuuteee_!!!!"

_**5)**_ "I find myself watching my team, from time to time: I've really come to consider them my own children!"

_**6)**_ "Oh, I've desired to carry Asuma's son since I knew him!!!!!!" _[kindly suggested by Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare: thanks :D]_

_**7)**_ "I'm sick of all this _plant watering_, damn it!!! And what's with the sun, uh?! It's too **hot**!... No, it's too **cold**…!!! Gyaaahhh!!!!! Damn it all!!!!… But, oh, my dear child… *sob* your mommy is fine don't worry… Argh! WTF don't kick!!!" _[the wonders of pregnancy on a kunoichi…]_

_**8)**_ "I can't believe it, Shikamaru! My son beat you to shogi!!... Yeah, yeah the 'my-favourite-card-game-is-Uno' excuse won't work: my son is clever than you, ha!"

_**9)**_ "Yes, my eyes are red because I stole the ones meant for Itachi!! They're a pair of transgenic Sharingan eyes!!"

_**10)**_ "I love that pinky frilly dress!!!" _[squealing in delight]_


	14. Jiraya

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

**_JIRAYA_**

_**1)**_ "I HATE FROGS!!! I can't believe this!!" _[after using the Kuchiyose no Jutsu and being faced with Gamabunta]_

_**2)**_ "Orochi-chan!!!"

_**3)**_ "I swear I'd NEVER read any porn, much less WRITE it…!" _[horrified screams heard all over the world]_

_**4)**_ "Tsunade with big boobs? What are you, blind?? She's flat as a board!" _[pointing at said woman's massive chest]_

_**5)**_ "You know, I'm actually homosexual: women gross me out." _[kindly suggested by Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare: thanks :D]_

_**6)**_ "Naruto is such a genius!"

_**7)**_ "How can you say Orochimaru and Michel Jackson are the same?! They're **totally** different!!!"

_**8)**_ "I think that Uchiha kid went after Orochi-chan because he wanted to become really cool: Orochi-chan is the coolest of all!!"

_**9)**_ "I always wanted to kick Sarutobi-sensei."

_**10)**_ "This spiky hair can cause a lot of problems, you know…"


	15. Tsunade

_Stupid computer wouldn't let me upload this... ù.ù_

_Thankfully I'm using a friend of mine's, so here for you chapter n°15! XD_

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TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…

_**TSUNADE**_

_**1)**_ "Everybody worship me!! You need some luck?! Come here: I'm the luckiest person alive!!!" _[adapted from Lerryn's suggestion: thanks :D]_

_**2)**_ "Please, can someone help me with this jug? I can't open it…"

_**3)**_ "I want my damn necklace back from that Naruto kid!!!!" _[shaking Shizune in her anger] [Kindly suggested by A.D. Williams: thanks :D]_

_**4)**_ "Jiraya dedicated one of his Icha Icha books to me: I keep it locked away 'cause it's precious!!" _[holding said book like her life depended on it]_

_**5)**_ "Orochi-chan, d'you want to be my boyfriend…??"

_**6)**_ "Everyone seems to think I'm a woman… how'd you react if I told you I'm a man _**down there**_…??" _[creepy you-don't-know-what-to-believe grin]_

_**7)**_ "Shizune, stop pretending. You're flatter than I was when I was younger: you're a man – we all know it."

_**8)**_ "Orochimaru, you're so strong I'm sure no one will ever beat you… not even the genius of the Uchiha clan…!" _[Tsunade, known for her bad luck. Orochimaru curses and goes to pray. Sasuke decides to be the strongest.]_

_**9)**_ "Ji-ji-kun… will you merry me?" _[blushing and facing Jiraya – Ji-ji - ]_

_**10)**_ "Become Hokage?? Yeah, sure!! I've been DYING for those _darlings_ of the council to ask me!!!" _[to her happiest]_


	16. Orochimaru

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**OROCHIMARU**_

**_1)_** "You don't understand!… It's not me who copied Michel Jackson; it's the other way round!!"

**_2)_** "Ashsssakassssaaa…!" _[trying to speak Parseltongue]_

**_3)_** "Gyyyaaaaa!! Heelllppp" _[running in circle to escape the enraged snake: he ended up insulting its mother]_

**_4)_** "Why would I want to hurt your daughter? I'm not interested in little girls…" _[taken from Scary Movie 4, I think]_

**_5)_** "What? I've **never** inappropriately touched a boy in my life! I don't understand where you'd get something like that!" _[kindly suggested by A.D. Williams: thanks :D]_

**_6)_** "Kabuto, I think you're freaking crazy: quit following me around! You're creeping me!!"

**_7)_** "Why?! Who?! How come I've gotta wear those awful kimono?!?! Am I not ugly enough…?!"

**_8)_** "Oh! Look, Sasuke-kun, I'm paler than you!!" _[taunting Sasuke]_

**_9)_** "OMFG!!! I'm out of purple eyeliner!!!!!!"

**_10)_** "I don't get why Sasori refused to remain my partner: his wooden body was not a problem for me…" _[a bit regretful]_


	17. Temari

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**TEMARI**_

**_1)_** "I'm so in love with my dear Shika-kun!!!!!" _[blushing and avoiding eye contact] [adapted from Lerryn's suggestion: thanks :D]_

**_2)_** "Oh, Kankuro… you're my saviour! Could you please lend me your make up??"

**_3)_** "You know, everyone has their own bad days… you shouldn't take it out on others if you had a shitty day…!!" _[shrugging and trying to resonate with a murderous Gaara, in almost full Shukaku mode]_

**_4)_** "I'm the girliest girlishly girly girl you'll ever see, like, _ever_!"

**_5)_** "Gyah!!! What are those horrible things?!… You want me to wear those awful boots?!? Are you crazy?!?" _[pointing at normal ninja sandals]_

**_6)_** "Uh? This is new: using fans as weapons…?? Never heard of such a thing… like hell I'm going to use them: they'll do for a freakishly weak weapon!"

**_7)_** "Me, picking up Shikamaru's antics?? Bothersome… I don't even know why I should answer you, but no I'm not: he's such a drag to be around to begin with…!" _[adapted from A.D. William's suggestion: thanks :D]_

**_8)_** "Matsuri… I'd love it if you got closer to my little brother; he seems quite interested, you know…" _[by me: yeah, right… dream on Matsuri!]_

**_9)_** "Oi, Shikamaru Nara… you're going to be my boyfriend." _[creepily glowing eyes glaring at the poor guy]_

**_10)_** "Oh crap! I broke my nail!!!!!" _[horrified look]_


	18. Kankurou

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

**_KANKUROU_**

**_1)_** "Those are not fighting puppets! You kidding?! They're my personal Barbie dolls and I have tea parties with them!!" _[adapted from Usa-san's suggestion: thanks :D]_

**_2)_** "I'm a wannabe kabuki actor!... But somehow they don't take me seriously…"

**_3)_** "It's scary to be stuck inside one of those puppets! Like hell I'd ever to that to anyone…!!" [_Akon and Sakon, anyone??]_

**_4)_** "The puppet master façade is all a fake: my real weapon is my hideous LIPSTICK!!" _[sticking out his lips] [adapted from Lerryn's suggestion: thanks :D]_

**_5)_** "Oh, no, Gaara… you're very handsome like this!" _[trying not to faint at the sight of a half transformed Gaara]_

**_6)_** "Temari-chan!"

_**7)**_ "Most of the poisons I put into my puppets have been tried out on my father. After every single one failed, I can't believe he got killed by a stupid wannabe Parseltongue-speaking snake…" _[shaking his head in disbelief]_

_**8)**_ "I'm a fashion victim!" _[spinning and turning to show off his attire]_

_**9)**_ "My hobby is knitting: I'm pretty good at it! The hat with the ears is a creation of mine!!"

_**10)**_ "Oh, I would never disrespect a woman!" _[goes off following the first chick that passes him by and changing direction as soon as he sees a prettier one]_


	19. Chouji

_Hi! :D_

_I actually just realised that I still have members of the 'rookie' to do (Ino, TenTen and Lee), so in the next few chapters I'll put them up; meanwhile, here's Chouji! :D_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…  
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_**CHOUJI**_

_**1)**_ "Yes, the thing I have on top of my head is a pair of panties, somethin' wrong with that?!"

_**2)**_ "I started wearing this green spandex suit when Gai-sensei said it'll make me look thinner!" _[turning around and showing how _badly_ the jumpsuit works]_

_**3)**_ "If I wanted, I could out-cool both Neji AND Sasuke!! I just don't like showing off…!"

_**4)**_ "… Ohuf… that's it, I can't eat anymore…" _[leaving a half _full_ plate on his _first_ serving]_

_**5)**_ "Ino! Stop stealing my food! You're eating it all..!!"

_**6)**_ "Uh?… No, there's no problem if you say I'm fat; I won't get angry."

_**7)**_ "Shikamaru's the stupidest person on the planet! He wouldn't be able to think of a decent plan even if thought about it for weeks!"

_**8)**_ "I decided to start a diet." _[massive scream coming from BBQ restaurant]_

_**9)**_ "I'm very picky when it comes to food…"

_**10)**_ "I tried to take off those stupid spirals on my cheeks but apparently I can't…" _[with almost bleeding cheeks after a violent scrubbing]_


	20. Ino

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**INO**_

_**1)**_ "Burp." _[that doesn't need explanations, I think]_

_**2)**_ "Gyaaahhhh!!!! I lost _two_ pounds!!!" _[horror stricken face]_

_**3)**_ "Sakura, having a big forehead?! Absolutely not!"

_**4)**_ "I wear extensions… that's why my hear is sooo long!"

_**5)**_ "I love you Chouji!!" _[throwing her arms around him]_

_**6)**_ "I'm more intelligent than Shikamaru, haha!!" _[acting superior]_

_**7)**_ "I would never wear mesh! It's too embarrassing!!"

_**8)**_ "I founded the club 'Let's punch Sasuke's superior face clear in!' "

_**9)**_ "I'll keep my mouth shut: your secret will die with me!" _[said to any person foolish enough to tell her something that shouldn't be known]_

_**10)**_ "You know, Neji, I envy you: your hair looks _so_ silky!!"


	21. TenTen

_Hi everyone! :D_

_First of all, I want to thank all the reviewers: more than 100 reviews... THANKS SO MUCH!!! I'm happy this little madness here has so much success!! XD_

_Then, I'll have two more chapters for Konoha ninja because I realized - talk about belated - just now that also Sai is still missing on this list! . Poor him, left out for so long...!_

_Well, for now enjoy TenTen's chappie ;P_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**TENTEN**_

_**1)**_ "Waaahhhh!! Keep that kunai away from meeee!!! I could bleed to death, you know?! Do you know those things are dangerous?!?!" _[adapted from Usa-san's suggestion: thanks :D]_

_**2)**_ "C'mon, Lee! What is it…? You can't keep up with me??" _[doing something like 15 push ups per second]_

_**3)**_ "Neji… if I see you again within ten feet radius of my make up, I swear tomorrow you'll wake up with a far _lighter_ head (if you catch what I mean)!!" _[waving a pair of scissors in front of Neji's face]_

_**4)**_ "Oh! My team is the _bestest_ in the whole Fire Country!!! I have nothing to say about them!" _[smiling brightly]_

_**5)**_ "Kyaaa!! It's Sasuke! SasukeSasukeSasukeSasukeSasukeSasuke!!!!!!!!" _[adapted from kallou's suggestion: thanks :D]_

_**6)**_ "Ghghghghghghghg!!" _[hands in front of face, eyes closed… __**giggling**__]_

_**7)**_ "You swore! Ohmygod!! You swore…! Did anyone tell you one should not swear in front of a lady??" _[horrified face and gesturing to herself]_

_**8)**_ "—Because we're young people! And the fire born from youth will never be extinguished!! Whatever obstacle we'll be faced with, the strength of our spirit will get us through them all!!" _[waves splashing behind her in a setting with a setting sun]_

_**9)**_ "Pants?? Naah, I'm a mini-skirt fan! You'll never see me wearing pants!"

_**10)**_ "Gai-sensei, you're my hero!!!" _[watching Gai with adoring eyes]_


	22. Lee

**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**LEE**_

_**1)**_ "My life has only one purpose: revenge!… No, not over _my_ brother, you idiot; I don't have a brother. I meant over _Sasuke's_ brother! Yes because he's more emo than me!!" _[profoundly offended]_

_**2)**_ "Who're you? I don't know you. Gai who?? I'm sorry –not really – but you're not cool enough that I should remember you…"

_**3)**_ "Naa… I'm too lazy to train… leave me alone…" _[turning his back the other way and going back to sleep]_

_**4)**_ "You, my rival, Neji? Psh! Yeah, right…" _[dismissing Neji with a wave of his hand]_

_**5)**_ "People tell me a have very small eyes." _[blinking hugely]_

_**6)**_ "Gaaaahhhh!!! Why the hell do I have to be this good looking???? I hate to get chased by fan girls!!!" _[running around the village with a horde of yelling girls in toe]_

_**7)**_ "I love baggy clothing!"

_**8)**_ "Yesterday, I tried to kick the door open to do a dynamic entry… I broke a nail…" _[cradling his foot in his hands and blowing on it]_

_**9)**_ "Neji is the most stupid, annoying, knuckle-headed guy in all Konoha! I don't think there's someone worse than him!"

_**10)**_ "When Gai challenges Kakashi, I always cheer for Kakashi: he's my hero!"


	23. Sai

_Hello everyone!_

_And soooooooorrrrrrrrrrryyyyy for the awful delay!!! I really don't have enough words to express how I want to beat the crap out of myself... ù.ù  
WARI, GOMEN NASAI, SUMIMASEN and whatever else..._

_Now, this chaper was harder to write than I thought: Sai's not an easy character to write about, I guess -.-" but I tried to do my best to make him funny! :D After this, I'll start with Akatsuki so if you have suggestions, they're always welcome!_

_Thanks to everyone for the support!_

_Read&Review!_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88 XD_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**SAI**_

_**1)**_ "Why do I walk around with my eyes closed…? What kind of question is that! I sleepwalk, that's why!"

_**2)**_ "Oh, Gosh, I'm so sad for him: he's completely social-incapacitated… he doesn't know how to make people like him…" _[hand over his chest and worried expression, sending glances at Naruto]_

_**3)**_ "Art is for queers. You'll never catch me drawing ANYTHING!" _[spoken in his house: FULL of his artwork] [kindly suggested by A.D. Williams: thanks :D]_

_**4)**_ "I can suggest you a nickname for me, if you want: you can call me 'dickless'." _[completely straight faced]_

_**5)**_ "Oh, hey, look! I'm paler than Sasuke-kun and Orochimaru combined!! Hahaha!!! Losers!!" _[jumping from one foot to the other and dancing stupidly]_

_**6)**_ "You know, I recently noticed… I might have more boobs than Sakura…!" _[half disgusted half amused]_

_**7)**_ "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CUT THE EMO-SHIT OUT!! YOU'RE ANNOYING!!!!" _[storming up to a chibi Sasuke (it's one of Sasuke's many emo-memories) huddled in a corner moping and kicking him] **(I just HAD TO, sorry - not really! LOL by me)**_

_**8)**_ "The scariest person of the village?… Hinata-san. I think she's the most dangerous of all the ninja: I'm actually terrified of the girl…"

_**9)**_ "Whoot!! That's a yuri! A _yuri_, I say…!! Seeing two girls going at it has always been one of my fantasies!!!" _[cheering while Konohamaru does the __Oiroke: Onna no ko Doushi no Jutsu]_

_**10)**_ "Oh, Naruto…! You're so manly!" _[watching him in the same way Lee looks at Gai-sensei]_


	24. Yamato

_Hello! :D_

_Of course, as soon as I said I'd start with Akatsuki, I remembered poor Yamato-taicho, so this is his chapter BUT I promise - next one will come soon and will have an Akatsuki member (I still don't know who) in it!_

_So for now enjoy!_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88 XD_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**YAMATO**_

_**1)**_ "Kakashi-sempai, I think you're a frigging _moron_!!!"

_**2)**_ "Naruto, Sakura, eat this seed… you swallowed it? Good! I'm glad to inform you that you'll become a tree very shortly!!" _[happy face despite the others two horrified ones]_

_**3)**_ "Tz'! Who do you think I am?! OF COURSE I can rebuild Konoha on my own: that's as easy as making the **desert** flourishing with **plants**!"

_**4)**_ "You know, the crystal on Naruto's necklace is actually made of simple glass! Completely useless against Kyuubi's power!! Isn't that funny?? Ahaha!!" _[looking at a half transformed Naruto with six tails out]_

_**5)**_ "I'm absolutely NOT scary! Hoe can you say that?!" _[wearing his 'do-as-I-say-or-else' look, if you now what I mean :P]_

_**6)**_ "I'm so much cooler than that perv-Kakashi!" _[superior look]_

_**7)**_ "I so wish I stayed with Orochimaru-sama: he was so kind with me… wonder why…" _[yeah go on wondering – by me -]_

_**8)**_ "No! What are you doing?!?!… You can't use my bunshin to nourish the fire, you dickhead!!!" _[yelling at the top of his voice]_

_**9)**_ "Everyone calls me Yamato!!… THAT'S NOT MY NAME DAMMIT!!!!!!!!"

_**10)**_ "You want me to help rebuilding? Fine, 1000$ per building and we can talk about it…" _[underneath his perfect poker face is already chanting 'RichRichRich!!!']_


	25. Sasori

_OMG! I can't believe it! I can FINALLY upload this...!! (or anything for that matter) I tried to post this since yesterday but I couldn't login for God knows what reason... :(_

_Well, Here starts Akatsuki's chapters; I decided to start with the first that has died (Orochi excluded of course) so do your math (or just look at the title :P)_

_Read&Review!_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88 XD_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**SASORI**_

_**1) **_"I love my village! I'll stay here forever and ever!!"

_**2)**_ "My nickname – 'Akasuna' – doesn't come from the fact that my sand is _red_, but because my 'sand' is actually **rust**…!" _[exasperated by the umpteenth mistake]_

_**3)**_ "Deidara is the best partner I could ever ask for, UN!"

_**4)**_ "Hahahahahahaha!!!! Owww…! Ow! OWW!!… FUCKING WHITE ANTS!!!!!!!!!!" _[running around scrubbing at himself hysterically]_

_**5)**_ "I think Deidara got it right about art: it's all about destruction, UN." _[nodding and watching Deidara dance in victory]_

_**6)**_ "I LUV U, Grandma!!!!" _[throwing his arms around Chiyo's neck]_

_**7)**_ "Gyyyaaaahhh!! Someone, please, water!! I caught on fireeeee!!!!!!!"

_**8)**_ "I preferred Orochi-dumb as a partner…" _[pouting]_

_**9)**_ "I think I have a very girlish voice, don't you think?"

_**10)**_ "Eh…? Oh, yes, take your time I don't mind waiting." _[smiling]_


	26. Hidan

_Hello! :D_

_Here for you is the next Akatsuki member: Hidan. Though I know that technically he's_ not _dead, being trapped for the eternity can be considered as such (or maybe not, but it's not like I really care :P) so there... XP_

_This may not be the funniest chapter, but I'm not a big fan of Hidan's -.- I tried to do my best, though!... On a side note, all those 'infedel' sentences made me think of Achmed the Terrorist (if you know who I'm talking about! LOL)_

_And, oh wow, 140+ reviews!! Thanks to you all! *-*_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88 XD_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**HIDAN**_

_**1)**_ "Jashin is a big, fat, piece of crap!"

_**2)**_ "Don't you dare call me infidel!!" _[pointing an accusing finger at a random person]_

_**3)**_ "People, these days, they die so quickly… it's not even funny…" _[sighing and shaking his head disappointed]_

_**4)**_ "Kakuzu is the most generous guy I know…! Whenever you need money, he'll lend it to you without problem."

_**5)**_ "Ittaaaiii…! Dammit all! Fucking weapon! I cut myself…!"

_**6)**_ "I started out trying to become an alchemist, but I utterly suck at drawing all those complicated circles… so I ended up in _Akatsuki_…"

_**7)**_ "I don't believe in anything. Like hell you'll ever see me praying!" _[while entering a church]_

_**8)**_ "Waah! You swore…! Oooohhh you're _so_ going to hell for that!" _[jumping like an overly excited kid]_

_**9)**_ "Oh nooo!! I'm going to diiieeee!!!!… Farewell, infedels!"

_**10)**_ "I'll defeat my enemies boring them to death with my lectures on Jashin!"


	27. Kakuzu

_Hi everyone!_

_It's good to have internet again! During the 2 days I've spent away from my computer, I went on with this :D_

_Here for you, the third Akatsuki member - in dying order! LOL_

_Enjoy!_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88 XD_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**KAKUZU**_

_**1)**_"Aaahh!!! No, Lerryn-sama…! I swear I'll pay you back next time…!!" _[praying for mercy 'cause he lost the money in gambling] [surprise, surprise! You like it?? XD]_

_**2)**_ "I'm handsome, don't you think?" _[smiling]_

_**3)**_ "I have such faith in the new generation!"

_**4)**_ "I'm very good at sewing – who do you think has sewed my limbs back together?!" _[offended at some nasty comment]_

_**5)**_ "Please, help… I can't reach up that far! It's not like I can stretch my arms, y'know…"

_**6)**_ "Iiiihh…!! NO! I don't want to…! I _hate_ surgery! (At least everything that not **plastic** surgery)"

_**7)**_ "D'you know how many hearts I have?… Wha-? _Five_?! No…! One! I have ONE heart, idiot! What do take me for, a monster?!"

_**8)**_ "The fact that I can't kill Hidan pisses me off so much! Even if I behead him, he just keeps on talking! Will someone understand that they need to bury him alive, to get me finally rid of him?!?" _[while holding Hidan's chatting head at arms length]_

_**9)**_ "Once someone mistook me for a scarecrow…" _[head down, sulking in a corner]_

_**10)**_ "You should see what comes out of my mouth at times… literally…" _[scary look on his face]_


	28. Kisame

_Hi! ;D_

_I didn't really know who to use here because I wanted to keep the best as last - not that I don't like Kisame - so I decided this way :P_

_Well, I have nothing else to say, enjoy the chapter!_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88_

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**TEN THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR COMING FROM…**

_**KISAME**_

_**1)**_ "Having Itachi as partner is sooo much fun!!" _[smiling brightly]_

_**2)**_ "Gah! I'm NOT a shark, dammit! I'm a freaking DOLPHIN!! Don't you see it?!?!" _[baring his very shark-like teeth]_

_**3)**_ "The woman with the stones in _'The Fifth Element'_ was is my beautiful sister…! I'm so proud of her!"

_**4)**_ "When I watched the movie _'Deep Blue'_ I got over exited 'cause I thought I was a SUPER shark too…" _[pouting in disappointment]_

_**5)**_ "My favourite cartoon when I was little was _'Street Sharks'_ they were **so** cool swimming in the concrete!" _[bouncing on the balls of his feet]_

_**6)**_ "I'm the world's immersion champion!"

_**7)**_ "Aaaahh!!! Someone help me, I can't swim!!!" _[drowning in a puddle of water 3 inches deep]_

_**8)**_ "My favourite color is… erm… lemme think… ah, yeah! Yellow!!"

_**9)**_ "Oowww! Damn sword…!! I'm your master!! You can't hurt **me** when I attempt to use you!!!! You should cut **other people**!!!!!" _[wrapping his bleeding hand in bandages]_

_**10)**_ "Glub… glubglub gluuub! Gl-uuubb!!" _[arguing with a dumb fish named Magikarp] [adapted form Smiley's suggestion: thanks :D]_


	29. HELP! HELP!

Guys!! Something terrible happened: this story has been reported because, it seems, it is not allowed under the first section of the guidelines!

Now, I have to say this: I actually did not notice the guidelines _said "__Entries not allowed: 1. Non-stories: lists"_ as I really don't read the list every time I have to post something (as I'd guess most of us users do)… but, other than that, I didn't really thought much of it, since I've read a _number_ of fictions that should _not_ be published here as they are lists of things as well – and not even spoken sentences – yet are still loaded, reviewed, favoured and _not_ reported…

So, I ask all of you - readers – **what I should do**? I'll probably end up having to delete the story (as much as I don't want to) or it could get deleted by the administrators… plus I risk a suspension of my account… u.u another thing I REALLY don't wish for…

Love, Ylenia


	30. NOTES!

Thanks to everyone who's answered me, I'm really grateful :D

I had thought of waiting to see what was going to happen, but seeing as I don't want to do the reporting-person a favour being stubborn about it and ending up with the story forcefully removed, I've decided to change the structure of this fiction… the sentences will remain where they are, but I'll add a drabble with something like a plot – so there won't be any more problems.

I've already started with this rewriting project (I didn't waste time :P), so if you're interested look for my new story _**"Things Happeing To…"**_ and tell me what you think of it. Hopefully the new version will kick ass even more than this! XD

Once again, much love to you all and thanks for the support!!

Ylenia


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